It's the eve to my big 3 0 birthday. I'm not sad or depressed about turning 30; it feels surreal. I don't feel old enough to be 30. But I can honestly say I'm actually looking forward to it. Not the getting older part, but ever since I was little my mom would tell me how much she loved her thirties because she finally had a sense of who she was, where she was going and what she wanted to do (to some degree) with her life. She wasn't struggling financially like her twenties; she had a sense of purpose. And I agree; I feel the same.
I did a lot of things in my twenties (both good and bad); experienced things I never thought I would do (again both good and bad) and had a lot of heartache and tears along the way. Whoever said growing up was easy was definitely mistaken. I've learned a lot of life's lessons and I'm ready for my next 30 years. The biggest one has been that life definitely does not work out the way you plan; which is so difficult in the moment but when you are able to finally look back you can see that it turns out so much better. It's amazing how much I thought I knew only to realize I didn't know anything. I'm so much more appreciative of the things I have and how I've gotten here. Struggle is one of the hardest things in life but it is so needed to become the person you want to be.
I'm not a woman with many words; I'm not eloquent and have a hard time expressing my emotions through speech. I better relate to music and often express my feelings through talented artists who are able to write down similar emotions through song. I can't get Tim McGraw's 'My Next 30 Years' out of my head. I'm not one for new years resolutions. I think you're just putting yourself up for failure telling yourself you're going to break bad habits because a new year has rolled around. Come on, how many times do you tell yourself you're going to do the same thing each year and for about a month you work on it and then nothing. I'd rather work on life resolutions. There are a few lines in Tim's song that have really hit a special note with me:
"Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years"
"My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more"
I've let fear lead my life way too much these past 30 years. The fear of disappointment, rejection, failure. Why do I do this? Well, no more! I've learned that the best things in life are worth the risk and I need kick fear to the curb. For so many years I was scared to go upside down on a roller coaster. Making up excuses because of a scarring car accident. Truth is I was just chicken and thought I would be better off sitting on the sidelines while everyone else enjoyed the ride than actually face my fear. Finally one day I let someone talk me into going and it was the greatest feeling ever. I couldn't believe I had wasted so much time being scared. Now I'm a coaster junkie. This will be my next 30 years. No more sidelines for me. I know what I want and I'm not going to let fear stop me from getting there.
So goodbye twenties; you were good to me some of the time but I'm ready to move on. Hello thirties...LET'S DO THIS!
